Usually, what ends up happening, is something of a short laugh that will emit from my throat without thinking much about it first, and I'll openly admit that I'm not sure if this is too much for the person, and the person usually responds in a not so sure way that it's totally fine. However, there are times when the receiver of my spiritual trips will actually turn to me and be like "tell me more, no, don't stop i need to hear this right now, i love it, and i have something i want to tell you to."
Because of those people, I have strengthened my faith in the human soul, the thrist of knowledge, the yearning for Truth, that us humans possess.
On that note, I would like to share with you a shtickel speech.
So, I've been learning a lot of new things, and I can honestly say that about 75% of all that I learn, I actually try to ingrain in me. Applying Emunah to my daily life is something I started working on about three years ago. Before that, I kind of had a vague sense of Emunah, there was a G-d, yeah I felt Him here and there, especially in the dark times, but in my head there was a sort of split between Hashem, and the rest of my life. However out of control I felt in those crazy times, that's how much I thought I was in control. I would cry out in pain, I would sink in despair, and make myself more miserable by blaming everything that went wrong on myself. Then I'd turn to drugs, or other distractions, to numb those thoughts, because there was a certain point where my thoughts would just end, because it didn't make sense to go any further. Because all I knew was a world without a personal relationship with Hashem. I was an atheist in a foxhole at times, but at others, I just played contently in the hole, completely numb, mindless, almost lifeless. I didn't feel a live. I remember, at a point where I had finally broken through the darkness, and my life was turning for the good, looking up at the sky, and realizing that I had not really seen the sky ever. I thought I was a nature person, but then I realized I was a selfish nothing person putting on shows for people, and even for myself. I had no clue who I was, no clue who Hashem was, no clue who other people were, and no clue what the sky was. After going through the downhill struggle of trying to find myself through psychology, and just mindless wandering, I finally got practical. Rosh Hashana, 2010 I sat down on the couch with a book called The Garden of Emunah. I started from the first page, and after reading about two chapters, I closed the book stood up and took it with me on a walk. I ended up by my friend's house. I knocked on her door, showed her the book and said "i found a book. learn it with me please". And that is how I first started getting motivated to learn more and more about Emunah, belief in Hashem, and that book led me to more books, which led me to more concepts like doing Hisbodedus, for real going out to the field whenever I could, and just letting go everything I hold in, talking to Hashem who Created me. Anyway, I can go on forever and ever, but I wanted to just give you an idea of how a concept of spirituality can become an actuality, a practical way to institute meaning in life. Pick up a book, find a friend, make it a thing. No one's gonna run after you, you gotta pick yourself up and be mikarev yourself. or you can just sit there in the foxhole, mindlessly eating your bagels and cream cheese for breakfast, sushi and pizza for lunch, and shnitzel sandwiches for supper. Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks can transfrom from places to relax and shut your mind, to a temporary Beis Medrash where you go with a friend and open your heart, mind, and soul to pages you will want to drink in, if you put yourself into it.
Another thought I want to share is something I got from a book called Building A Sanctuary In The Heart . In it, the author gives a suggestion to write down on a paper what you think your Tikkun is, or something you want to remind yourself constantly to work on, and every fifteen minutes or so, take it out and read it. I took that as writing in my phone an alarm that will buzz every 45 minutes.
In this book, there was a beautiful magnificent story that I want to share.
The Chofetz Chaim, we all know was a big holy Tzaddik. Sometimes, we think of Tzaddikim as so perfect so pure. But how did they get to that point? They all have their own ways of what they did, to get higher and higher. The Chofetz Chaim sometimes felt he was lacking Emunah. On a scale with the average Joe on the other side it might look otherwise, but he felt he was low sometimes. What would the Chofetz Chaim do to regain his Emunah? He would open up a Chumash Beraishis, to the first page, first word. And he would start reading, Bereishis Bara Elokim... then he would ask himself "who created the world?" and he would answer himself, "Hashem." He would go on through each day, like this, reading And on the second day Hashem created.. and on the third day,,.and fourth and fifth... and he would ask himself who created the sky? the sun the stars the ocean the trees the animals, the fish, the sky? and he would answer himself, Hashem. Finally, he'd come to the sixth day. And on the sixth day Hashem created Man. and he would say Who created Man? Hashem created Man! who created me? Hashem created me! In this way the Chofetz Chaim would regain his Emunah.
This really really inspired me, and I doubled these two thoughts into one. Every 45 minutes my phone buzzes, and it says Who created the world? Many people in my life, including kids under the age of 3 and including adults over the age of 40 are aware of this buzzing situation, and we all answer Hashem, with a smile knowing we are keeping in touch with reality, and the real purpose of our lives. I share this with you because, we all at some point are just so out of it, so disconnected. Here's a real simple easy way, to try to connect consistently, daily, and continue on furthermore. May Hashem bless us all with the serenity to be able to realize where we want to go, and how to go about getting there.