I found this in the pocket of my guitar case scribbled on a few sticky notes this morning. I remember writing it about a year ago. It was a time in my life where I felt like I had picked myself up and all of a sudden old things were crashing down on me tempting me to give up all I accomplished and go right back to where I drowned the years before that. I want to share this just in case somebody can benefit from it, don't look at it as something far off, every person has it in them to be as great as they can be, and every person is a child of Hashem no matter where or what they are. There's no differentiation between two souls, we all come from the same Hashem and we all yearn for Hashem deep in our hearts. Anyway here goes:
When everything seems to be crumbling, everything you thought you had firmly cemented into your daily life begins to collapse into a pile of clouded debris that seems to disappear the second it hits the ground and you are left with absolute nothingness. That is the moment you meet your soul and realize the extent of Hashem's reign, how Hashem is chai v'kayam and no minute goes by without upholding the world and constantly guarding and watching and loving and giving measure for measure. That is the moment you must realize and accept upon yourself that no second can go by without working tirelessly and with much effort on serving Hashem, and trusting in Him 100%. You must constantly talk to Him and learn more and more of what He wants from you and what you need to be doing within yourself to get to that point of complete Emuna in Hashem. Don't sit in despair and sadness, that is a never ending downward spiral. Keep smiling, giving, and longing, and yearning, and thanking, and working on yourself so that you will climb to greater heights, and instead of trying to build the same tower as before, begin a brand new one because you have the chance to start new each day, each hour, each minute, each second. Don't let it go away. Make your downfall the beginning of a new climb. Keep firm and strong in your belief in Hashem, and continue to get to know Him more and more. Every second of every day must be lived with Him in your heart and mind. No action can be without a sense of fulfilling Hashem's wishes. But remember if you do slip up, to quickly pick up again and do Teshuva and ask Hashem for mercy, not that you deserve it but because He is so loving and kind that He will do it. Thank You Hashem for this bit of clarity. I love You.